A good friend once told me a long time ago, we always attract people who are like ourselves. She was coaching me on how to attract more clients as a hairdresser, but that law of attraction works with all people in all relationships. The best part about finding people like yourself is that they have experienced a lot of the same things as you. The following paragraphs tell the story of how I learned from Joyce. She helped guide me in a difficult situation.
Like anyone in the service business there is a certain amount of normal chaos that makes each day interesting. Without it, life would be boring and mundane. Most times I become the crazy character that gives others a story and the chuckles, but I would never have been this entertaining without my clients from over the years working as a hairdresser.
Law of Femininity
There was the grown-ass man whose father still schedules his son’s hair appointments. The doom and gloom woman who always smells like moth balls. The young woman who gets her hair blown-out for a special occasion—an evening planned to experience a little back door action for the first time with her boyfriend. But there is always the refreshing, sophisticated, elderly lady who is dressed in pressed clothing, freshly applied lipstick, and follows the law of femininity; she never wears more than seven pieces of jewelry. Anything more than that would imply she is a tramp.
Joyce, as beautiful as she was in her 80’s was one of these feminine women that I always tried to be on my best behavior around. I failed to see she had any quirks until the day I saw a piece of scotch tape in her hair as I was trying to brush it out.
“I tape my bangs, and the cowlick at my crown before bed every night,” was her explanation. “I can get the whole week out of a set when I do that.”
Attraction of a classy lady
Joyce told me she had once worked as a telephone operator back in the day of switchboards. Her stories from that era made me want to travel through time and live as a fly on the wall. She knew all the secrets of the elitist, but she would never gossip. “You would never believe it, Shana,” was her excuse for not sharing. She was too classy of a lady to fall into the gossip trap.
I looked forward to her appointment every Friday morning. She would share bits and pieces of her life with me. We shared mutual respect.
People love to talk about themselves! If you are ever around awkward people and want to create a buzz in the room, just start asking people about themselves. Need a distraction so the spotlight is not on you? First, find something to compliment the person and then ask a question about themselves.
I got good at this. I had gone through a divorce in my twenties and had legitimately caring people perpetually asking how I am. Always replying through tears that I was good, I finally learned how to turn the focus off my misery and onto someone else.
All day long client after client would reveal a window into their lives by telling be about their jobs, relationships, parenting woes, hopes, dreams, failures, the win’s and losses. I would sometimes be the ear to a young person when they were trying on their sexual preference. “I think I’m gay,” is something I heard a few times. Receiving graduation pictures with a note on the back, “To my ‘Hair-apist’….” happened a few times. I hold these conversations close to my heart as I am quite fond of the bonds I made with these clients.
The exchange of touch grants exclusive vision into the human soul.
It is wonderful to think that hairdressers, doctors, aestheticians, massage therapists, and chiropractors can impact lives for the better just from one service. Next time the doctor prescribes counselling, just go get your hair done. It is much cheaper and you feel instant gratification after one visit.
Joyce started cancelling her appointments more often than normal. She would call and tell me she’s too tired and did not feel up to getting her hair done that week. After an extended absence, she came in and reported, “I have cancer and I do not have long. You and I have a few things we need to talk about.” This was not shocking news. I have heard these words before from other clients, but I have never had anyone tell me we needed to talk.
Attracting a happy ending
She began to tell me about her beautiful marriage with her loving husband. “It was not always good. We had some rough times when the kids were little. We have a son who was born blind and we had to send him to school in Halifax.” I had no idea. She talked about her son but never mentioned his disability.
She admitted that she was prepared for what was coming her way, but her husband was really struggling. I have also heard this before. Most wives instinctively know their husband’s bond with them will also destroy them. More on this another time. Let me be clear though, when a man bonds with a woman he will do everything necessary to keep her well.
Joyce started asking me some very intimate questions about myself. She got away with it because she was a dying, elderly woman.
“How long have you dated this man?” she asked. “Six years,” I replied. “Is he going to marry you?” I replied, “I don’t know. I hope so.” She asked, “How long are you going to wait?” “Until August. If he doesn’t propose by August, I will end it.” I replied.
There, I had said it out loud. Joyce was going to keep me accountable. That gave me six months to make myself an attractive candidate to be a wife.
Joyce knew from what I revealed to her about that relationship, I was holding onto a dream. She did not have to say the words, unrequited love.
She shared how her husband did things over the years to continuously win her affection over and over. That is how a man pleases the love of his life. That bond is so strong that he will give up his house, his single life, and all the beautiful women in the world, just to make you happy. He will want to marry you, and have you take his last name. Not for ownership, but for the protection men have in their DNA. Primal instinctive.
I cannot help but think that Joyce had an amazing impact on the lives of her family. She had all this wisdom and she was sharing it with me! I felt so honored that she thought of me well enough to make me her project. She was on a deadline and that gave her license to ask the difficult questions.
Tough Questions = Tough Answers
Those tough questions forced tough answers, and I am so glad for the challenge. Either way, in the six months after those decisions, my life was going to change.
That darling, little lady never made it to August with me, but I could hear her voice in my head every Friday morning. “August. You have until August and then you are making some changes.”
The outcome of Joyce’s challenge did not occur until sometime in September or October that year. There was a proposal, then celebrations, and then a break-up. I was lost and devastated for a long time.
Attracting Challenges Change Lives
I had learned a valuable lesson. We all need deadlines or we will never make things happen. Personally, I do not want to be the person on her death bed with a deadline. I DO want to have many deadlines before my big exit from this world. With respect, I have no problem challenging people the same way Joyce challenged me. Especially if it is a challenge that will change some one’s life for a better outcome.
If it is true that we attract people that are like ourselves, then I am thrilled and honored that Joyce became my client and confidant.
Some of the names have been changed to protect identities, and some of the timelines have been changed due to fleeting memories.
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